What Would Jesus Do?

At twenty-two years of age, I was working a respectable job with full benefits. I saw this as a great accomplishment. No longer living with my parents, I saw all this as a huge step into adulthood; yet, deep down I felt something missing. My morning drives to work consisted of a fresh brewed coffee scent, along with an earful of the Rico and Mambo Morning Show. It was a drive like any other and I was well in time to work. The morning was still young and the darkness filled the sky.

While on Fifth Street, traffic was expected. Even so, the cars were moving smoothly through the crowded intersections. Closer to the stop light, the traffic was heavier and I should have acknowledged it would be an issue. The white sedan I was tailing abruptly broke to the right. As I saw this happen before my eyes, I thought to myself, “brake left but stay on this side, you don’t want to get hit by oncoming traffic” and my body executed the plan precisely. Glancing through my rear view mirror, I attempted to grasp the distance of the car behind me, but to my surprise, it was on my tail and the bright headlights quickly approached my rear bumper. Luis, the driver of that car, managed to break right onto the dirt shoulder. I let out a sigh of relief thinking I was out of harm’s way. 

To my surprise, I was not. Little did I know that Linda, the driver of the car behind Luis, was preoccupied with another task and by the time she looked up it was a second too late to stop. She slammed on her breaks in an effort to squeeze between my car and Luis’s; however, her efforts where of no avail. The screeching the tires made in an effortless attempt to grasp some grip as it slid over the cold pavement is still, to this day, vividly engraved in my head. I recall thinking to myself, “please don’t let it be me” and shortly after feeling the impact of the crash as it whipped my body and sending my car various feet forward.

The adrenaline rush you get in a situation like this is like no other; I felt my heart hammering and all that ran through my mind was, “why me? I’m going to be late to work now.” All three cars involved in the accident pulled over and we all inspected our cars to look at the damage done. My car was the only one that got hit by Linda. Luis’s car only received a couple scrapes. The rear bumper of my car broke off, the floor of my trunk was crumpled up, and because of this it made it difficult to open trunk. Linda’s car was, from the looks of it, a total loss as well. The front end of her car was wrinkled up; radiation fluid throughout the cold morning road, headlight glass scattered all over the pavement, the front windshield was shattered and airbags were deployed. The smell of burnt tire filled the air around us. From what I saw, it appeared as if she had smashed her head on the windshield.

I approached her to see how she was holding up. I asked her; “Are you ok? Is anything hurting? Do you need me to call an ambulance for you?” As she was tightly clamping her wrist from the pain, I could see the panic in her eyes and the nervousness in her voice was overwhelming as she kept replying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. When I looked up it was too late.” At this point, I didn’t care much about myself or my car; I simply wanted to reassure she would be ok. I comforted her, “its ok, the cars don’t matter. Are you ok though? Do you need me to call an ambulance or call someone for you? Are you in any pain? Did you hit your head?” She glanced at me with a nervous stare and I saw the pain in her eyes as she told me with a crackling voice “yes, my wrist and head are hurting. I just called my husband and he’s on his way here.” I noticed her wrist was swollen, bright red with a hint of purple where the wrist bone would be; Linda’s hair was all over her face. Out of curiosity, I asked her if she was wearing her seat-belt. She assured it was on. Linda had used her hand to position it on the windshield to prevent her body from flying towards the window. As for myself, I noticed my lower back was feeling sore even through the adrenaline rush. My upper back was feeling oddly hot and my neck felt a bit off. When the paramedics arrived, they inspected her first. Shortly after, they asked me if I needed them to take a look at me; I informed them how my back felt and the paramedics assumed it would be whiplash, and suggested to go in for a further diagnosis.

            Some weeks after the accident, I've looked back and asked “why me?” yet there really is no right answer. Some people would go through it and see it as a setback. As for me, I look at it in the form of a blessing in disguise. Yes, my back will never be the same again. That is a huge downside and no matter what is said or done, nothing will ever fix that. Nevertheless I remain optimistic and try to live my life as best I can. After I had an MRI done on my lower back, my chiropractor wanted to talk to me about the results. This whole time I was thinking to myself, “I hope it’s nothing major.”

Judith, the chiropractor, looked at me and looked back at the images. Building up the suspense to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and I uttered, “Give it to me straight doc.” I had a significant hernia on a disk in my lower back as well as a disc that was pushing against a vain. Little was known about my upper back, but I had three options for those two discs: an injection (cortisone shot), surgery, or hoping it healed by itself. Judith speculated that healing on its own would be a long shot and most likely a longer process. With this news, I was crushed; what will I do with my life now? What have I done with it so far? I’ve lived three years on my own with no help from my parents and I’ve managed to get a better paying job with benefits. I had placed my academic goals aside. This was my life goal and because of my new “better” job I had put everything on hold.  Although I was doing well on my own, I wasn’t really happy with what my life had become. Living solely to work, earning merely enough money to pay for my bills. Simply getting by wasn’t what I wanted for myself. I’ve always sought to go back to school and achieve my academic career, but with the job I was in, school was not possible. The hours were too much; to try and balance school while working 50+ hours was not an option. Before the car accident, I was stuck in that world without an exit. I was trapped in this life style. Having no one to share with what I was enduring, I felt utterly alone.

With the news of my back, I knew something had to be done and it got me thinking. Rent was unaffordable anymore; I was forced to act quickly. Mentioning this to my mother and brother, they offered to help. Suggesting moving back in with my mom was my brother’s idea, my mom agreed. “It will be best for you mijo” my mom assured me. In a way, I saw this as a failure; I could thank my pride for it. Yet there was nothing more I could do but accept it and keep moving forward. With all the doctors’ appointments and tests, I saw no upside to it all. Moving in with my mom got me thinking. This was as good time as any to start working on my future and begin my long academic journey. The situations that unfolded wouldn't determine my future; on the contrary, it would be a new start. Tracking back, it was this tipping point where I would decide to keep working a blue collar job or work on my academics. A blue collar job is simply not what I would want to see myself doing for a living anymore.

Self-evaluation is good from time to time. Taking a few moments to look in the direction our lives are headed and deciding whether or not we are at peace with that. Many won’t do so and realize later in life they should have done so. As for me, I am in constant pain and have difficulties doing day-to-day activities. On the other hand, I now know the direction I am now on is what I want and with hard work the outcome will be rewarding. Without this accident, I’m not certain I would have had time to reflect on my life; meeting my girlfriend would not have happened. For this, I’m grateful.